It is a cage. Even before a priest may know he is gay, he knows the closet. The code is taught early, often in seminary. Numquam duo, semper tres , the warning goes. Never two, always three. Move in trios, never as a couple. No going on walks alone together, no going to the movies in a pair.
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With whom do you have a relationship that would be a healthy human relationship? Today, training for the priesthood in the United States usually starts in or after college. But until about , the church often recruited boys to start in ninth grade — teenagers still in the throes of puberty.
Priests cannot marry, so sexuality from the start was about abstinence, and obedience. There were years that I carried this secret. My prayer was not that, would God change me. It was that I would die before anyone found out.
No further appeal
I could be a truck driver like my dad. But I was gay, so the only other thing left was, I could be a priest. The sexual revolution happening outside seminary walls might as well have happened on the moon, and national milestones in the fight for gay rights, like the Stonewall riots, on Mars. One priest in a rural diocese said the rules reminded him of how his elementary school forced left-handed students to write with their right hand. Priests in America tend to come out to themselves at a much later age than the national average for gay men, Many gay priests spoke of being pulled between denial and confusion, finally coming out to themselves in their 30s or 40s.
Father Greiten was 24 when he realized he was gay and considered jumping from his dorm window.
He did not jump, but confided his despair in a classmate. His friend came out himself. It was a revelation: There were other people studying to be priests who were gay. It was just that no one talked about it. He reached out to a former seminary professor who he thought might also be a gay man. He intervened, and came out to them. He lost three friends that night. That is a reason many of the men are out to only a few close friends. The grapevine has taught them which priests in their diocese are gay, whom to trust and whom to fear. Before then, I was out to certain classmates.
I realized this is not a me issue. This is a human rights issue. But there is still way too much homophobia in the church. All priests must wrestle with their vows of celibacy, and the few priests who are publicly out make clear they are chaste. Still, many priests said they had had sex with other men to explore their sexual identity. Some have watched pornography to see what it is like for two men to have sex.
They ultimately found more anguish than pleasure. One priest had sex for the first time at 62, no strings attached, with a man he met online.
The relationship was discovered and reported to his bishop, and he has not had sex since. Another priest, when asked if he had ever considered himself as having a partner, wondered what that even meant. He paused, before mentioning one very special friend. Though open, the closet means that many priests have held the most painful stories among themselves for decades: The seminarian who died by suicide, and the matches from a gay bar found afterward in his room.
The priest friends who died of AIDS. The feeling of coming home to an empty rectory every night. So they find ways to encourage one another. Some have signed petitions against church-sponsored conversion therapy programs, or have met on private retreats, after figuring out how to conceal them on their church calendars. Some may call this rebellion. Just over a year ago, after meeting with a group of gay priests, Father Greiten decided it was time to end his silence. At Sunday Mass, during Advent, he told his suburban parish he was gay, and celibate.
They leapt to their feet in applause. His story went viral. A year-old priest called him to say he had lived his entire life in the closet and longed for the future to be different.
A woman wrote from Mississippi, asking him to move south to be her priest. To some church leaders, that outpouring of support may have been even more threatening than his sexuality. Father Greiten had committed the cardinal sin: He opened the door to debate. His archbishop, Jerome E. Listecki of Milwaukee, issued a statement saying that he wished Father Greiten had not gone public.
The idea that gay priests are responsible for child sexual abuse remains a persistent belief, especially in many conservative Catholic circles. For years, church leaders have been deeply confused about the relationship between gay men and sexual abuse.
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Study after study shows that homosexuality is not a predictor of child molestation. This is also true for priests, according to a famous study by John Jay College of Criminal Justice in the wake of revelations in about child sex abuse in the church. The Church of England takes any allegations of abuse very seriously and is committed to being a safe place for all. Any survivors or those with information about church-related abuse must always feel free to come forward knowing that they will be listened to in confidence.
Should anyone have further information or need to discuss the personal impact of this news the Church has worked with the NSPCC to set up a confidential helpline no. A copy of this statement can be found on the Church of England website and the Diocese of Chichester website. The Rt. Please use the above numbers or contact his office on That thread was broken by the October Statement, and replaced with the Presumption of Guilt.
No attempt was made by the Church, immediately after the headlines, to correct the media interpretation of the Statement. There is no right or entitlement for a complainant to be believed, but there is a right and entitlement for a complainant to be treated with respect, to take their allegation seriously, to listen with compassion, and to record the facts clearly.
There seems to have been a panicked rush to judgement in which an astonishing lack of judgement was made manifest. I recently received a WhatsApp forward of an American Catholic priest using his sermon to speak out against presidential candidate Joe Biden and vice-presidential candidate. He also blames them for the unrest in the US. There are two levels of hypocrisy here.
The second level of hypocrisy is ignoring the fact that Jesus Christ was the first socialist and his teachings are in effect the fundamentals of socialism. The fact of the matter is that hypocrisy is the grease that makes the world go round. There is a reason for this. People do not call out hypocrites and make the person accountable because they themselves have something to hide or lose — tangible or intangible.
For example, whenever the Congress party questions the BJP on riots, corruption, nepotism etc, the BJP points a mirror at them and to their track record. It ultimately leads to a status quo or stalemate that draws attention away from the original issue.
Attempt to ban press coverage
At a personal level, to not use various forms of hypocrisy in everyday life would mean either living as a saint or not participating in society. As social animals we deal with a variety of people, attitudes, and opinions. Thus, to function within a certain milieu, it becomes necessary to look beyond things that may not fit our framework. If there is damage, then it is limited to the self, but the choice is an individual one. However, what happens when an entire section of society chooses hypocrisy? Take the example of a survey conducted by the polling firm YouGov. This means that they espouse the liberal ideals of the Democratic party.
Their liberal ideals do not extend to the land of their ancestors though. The support from this section of American society for the Indian Prime Minister has strengthened his image and hold over the country.