There are many reasons why I've experimented usually unsuccessfully with sex in the past; curiosity, social conformity or simply wanting to connect to another person. However, sex is still not an inherent need or desire for me in the same way it is for a sexual person. To make matters even more confusing for people, I have sexual fetishes and do masturbate, but these do not involve sexual attraction to other people.
No such thing as ‘LGBT community’, says gay columnist
That even the most open minded and accepting of my friends simply can't understand or empathise with what I'm going through makes me feel very disappointed, frustrated and isolated. Paul: This comment frustrates me because it suggests that asexuality is a mental disorder in need of curing. The first person to say this to me was my ex-boyfriend, who simply couldn't wrap his brain around the concept of asexuality. Ironically, this was the exact same reaction that his mother had when he told her he was gay.
Although he had been hurt and offended by his mother's comment, he didn't see any hypocrisy in repeating it to me. Just because asexuality itself is not a mental health issue, it can create feelings of depression and loneliness. So far, I've been reluctant to ask for professional help because I don't trust a doctor to actually understand asexuality or my experiences with it. Will: Something I've discovered is there are people who feel like they have an ownership of your sexuality and it's down to them as a sexual person to analyse.
People saying, "oh, sex is great, I feel so sorry for you," as if I have something missing and will never be truly fulfilled without it. Some go as far as questioning if I was sexually abused and asexuality is like some kind of Freudian reaction to that I wasn't, just to clarify. Melanie Lambrick.
‘Sinking feeling’
To me, however, it translates as another dismissal of asexuality as a legitimate orientation. Will: I'm a romantic asexual. The tone in which they said it that was like "you don't know your own sexuality as well [as I do] and therefore why won't you have sex with me?
Giselle: It's usually "do you masturbate? It's unnecessary. Young people or immature people tend to think that's okay. Will: Asexual people can have sexual thoughts and feelings, but it's the fact that I often never want to act on them which is why I identify as asexual.
I don't think it's about never having sexual thoughts or erections or even never masturbating. It's about just not having the desire to act on those feelings. People presume I'm gay and repressing that, which is something they fixate on and some have even told me, "no I won't accept it - you're just gay. Paul: Despite being asexual, I do enjoy physical intimacy and the sensual pleasure of kissing and foreplay.
I may not get sexually aroused from these experiences, but I still enjoy the touch of another human being. However, because I am asexual, apparently I have no business in pursuing people because I'm basically teasing them and wasting their time. Perhaps it is dishonest or misleading to go home with someone after a night out with no intention of having sex with them. This has resulted in some uncomfortable or even intimidating experiences with people who don't like hearing the word 'no'.
At the end of the day, I have needs as well and just because they expect sex from me doesn't mean that I owe it to them. There's a perception of asexual people as cold and robotic; people are afraid to touch us, either because they consider us non-viable or because kindly they are afraid of making us uncomfortable.
The charity, which supports victims of honour-based abuse and forced marriage, told the BBC it received 93 calls about LGBT issues in The number rose to in and again to so far this year.
Things asexuals really wish you'd stop asking them - BBC Three
There are several websites and online forums which allow users to post adverts looking for potential marriage partners, including Al-Jannah and Saathinight. One gay man from Leeds told the BBC it took him three years to organise a sham marriage to keep his sexual orientation under wraps, as the pair had to consider where they would live and how they would visit family.
Already have an account? Log in here. Independent Premium Comments can be posted by members of our membership scheme, Independent Premium. It allows our most engaged readers to debate the big issues, share their own experiences, discuss real-world solutions, and more.
What It's Like To Date When You're Asexual
Our journalists will try to respond by joining the threads when they can to create a true meeting of independent Premium. The most insightful comments on all subjects will be published daily in dedicated articles. You can also choose to be emailed when someone replies to your comment. The existing Open Comments threads will continue to exist for those who do not subscribe to Independent Premium. Due to the sheer scale of this comment community, we are not able to give each post the same level of attention, but we have preserved this area in the interests of open debate.
Please continue to respect all commenters and create constructive debates. Please be respectful when making a comment and adhere to our Community Guidelines.
- About this book?
- free gay dating apps Barnstaple UK.
- black gay escort Lincoln UK.
- best gay hookup bars Crewe UK.
- No such thing as 'LGBT community', says gay columnist - The Christian Institute.
- dating gay sites in Llanelli UK!
You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. There are no Independent Premium comments yet - be the first to add your thoughts. There are no comments yet - be the first to add your thoughts. Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Start your Independent Premium subscription today.